Sinning
by UshiMu
Summary: Years after the tragic death of their teammate and companion, Botan and Hiei find ways to recover. Rated to be safe PLEASE REVIEW!
1. Chapter 1

Sinning

One mistake, a quick miscalculation... and everything caves in.

The ultimate devastation of the past week had finally passed. Shuichi Minamino was dead. His mother was informed that her son had been hit by an oncoming car -a tragedy- a drunk driver. Arrangements were made to reconstruct his body so that at the wake there wouldn't be as many unanswered questions... and so his mother would have at least one thing to console herself with.

Aside from family, Hiei was probably taking it worse then the others, but he masked his grief with an emotionless façade. Yusuke was only second to Hiei when it came to the loss of their dear friend... continually telling himself "if only I had worked harder, been quicker, fought better," the guilt was overwhelming him. Kuwabara although he was also clearly distressed by the loss of his friend, wasn't suffering as deeply as the rest of the team was. Botan was broken beyond words; she and Kurama had been involved with each other for a year or so. She was so devastated that they had to recruit another Ferry girl to guide his soul.

Actually, the blue haired apparition is who we shall begin our tale with.

During the next few weeks Botan became extremely unstable, and Koenma suspended her from work indefinitely until further notice. She was transported to the Ningenkai and commanded that she remain rested, she was given nearly every luxury- except for the company of her lost companion and for the next two years she continued to grieve.

Our story begins on a stormy night mid January, the rain was falling heavily and Botan was just beginning to make dinner. Placing the pot on the stove she smiled when she realized that she hadn't made miso soup since Kurama gave her the recipe. Bringing the warm broth to a boil, she was reading the next step when she heard a loud crash in her bedroom.


	2. Chapter 2

Botan's heartbeat quickened, no one ever visits her- especially not without knocking, Koenma and Yusuke visited her as often as they could, which wasn't much. Clearly startled, she quickly began to scramble around searching for something to defend herself with- so she grabbed the most threatening thing near to her, her oar... an as she approached the room from whence the sound had came, she prayed a silent prayer to her boss for prosperity, long life, and good fortune.

"Will this ever end?"

Botan felt as if she' reacted little harsh at first when she had recovered from the initial shock of finding Hiei in her home, she remembered accusing him of terrifying her deliberately (which really wasn't sensible seeing as it was a little premature to be making any accusations) as she attempted to help him up from the mess that _was_ once the mantle that resided between the window and her bedpost. To make up for whacking him with her oar (and then furthering herself into trouble by scolding him for breaking and entering,) she invited him to eat with her, to make it up to him, and further to question him on why he was currently present. 

"You're asking _me_ to eat with _you_ after _beating me_with a _stick?_"

She smiled, with full intentions of looking maniacal, but she only reminded him of Shuichi. Reluctantly, and to her surprise, he accepted her offer, after all- he did have business to attend to.

After thoroughly enjoying his Miso soup (an getting a majority of it on Botan's place mat,) Hiei began to ' make conversation '

"You're compact is out, the diaper-rash was concerned."

Botan instantly understood...she'd misplaced it the other day while rearranging her main room, if you don't touch the Communicator Compact in over a day you're spirit energy cant keep it charged- and thus it fails to operate. 

Comprehending why Koenma would be worried she calmly explained this to Hiei, and he responded with a resoundingly monotone

"hn."


	3. Chapter 3

Botan watched the window as he left; it was an extremely surreal experience, he had touché her arm before he removed his presence, it reminded her of Shuichi

A few weeks later we enter Botan's Kitchen,

She had just finished cooking, and she knew he would be there soon. 

She wasn't exactly sure how Hiei had ended up staying there so long that first night, but after that, he would keep coming back; she would feed him, he would stay and watch her fall asleep, in the morning when she awoke he would be gone. She didn't mind it though, everything he did reminded her of Kurama... she found it hard to believe but she thoroughly enjoyed spending time with Hiei.

She was jarred from her thoughts when the janganshi entered through her bedroom window, she'd left it open for him this time. He walked in nonchalantly and took a seat as if he'd been doing it everyday since he was born. 

"Tonight we're having some kind of Italian dish that Shuichi taught me how to-"

"Can we... not mention him... anymore."

Botan couldn't deny that she had seen and felt the agonizing silence that erupted every time she mentioned Kurama. 

"...I can try."

"Thank you."

And he continued to surprise her.


	4. Chapter 4

Botan was nervous.  
He had never been this late before.  
Had he decided to stop their ritual? Maybe he couldn't stand the inevitable pattern that was forming? Thoughts were running rampant in her mind as she began to perspire from the stress of it all. She was addicted to him, she needed him there.

This was bad.

She practically flew to the bedroom when she heard him come in, she wasn't really expecting anything, she just looked at him for a moment, trying to display disappointment- but she couldn't deny the relief that washed over her.

"Hiei!" 

She shouted at him, startling them both, but he just looked at her questioningly.

"You're late"

He was upon her so fast she scarcely had the sense to breathe. Pinned up against the wall, the deity couldn't have looked more confused, or felt so bewildered. 

"Late for what, this stupid game we're playing? Shuichi is dead Botan! He's dead and no amount of spending time with me is going to fix that! If you want me here WANT ME, not him. He no longer exists."

Unshed tears were screaming in her mind, she wanted to fight back, she wanted to hit him! But, since when had she been so passive? Since when had she not feared the janganshi? A few months ago she was terrified to speak to him, let alone scold him on his punctuality. 

His hands were firmly planted on her shoulders, efficiently keeping her there- her eyes locked onto his. But she wasn't registering any of that; she just wanted to keep talking, to keep moving forward, to keep being Botan. Something she hadn't been for a long time now. When she felt like she'd lost everything important, she became nothing but a shell. 

"I... I..." 

Shuichi is dead Botan.

"...I... made duck tonight; it's my own recipe... I worked hard, but its cold by now... I'll... I'll just go and heat it up for you"


	5. Chapter 5

It had been a year. A year.

Botan had been seeing Hiei every night for a year.

"Oh he only comes over every once in a while... but I feel strongly that he's coming tonight

Koenma looked confused 

"That wasn't my question Botan, is everything alright?"

"What? Oh I'm sorry- could you repeat the question for me?"

He looked annoyed.

"First I asked if I could stay for supper, then I asked why I couldn't. You said you were expecting someone, and I said who...? You haven't been having any more nightmares have you?"

Botan didn't know what to say.

"No, Sir... I haven't for at least three or four months now."

He paused, it wasn't like her.

"Well?"

Looking at him confused at his bated breath...

"Well what, sir?" 

It wasn't like her at all.

"Which was it? Three or four?"

She suddenly felt irate, bothered.

"I can't remember! Does it really matter that much?"

And a discomfited silence consumed them both.

Botan was thinking deeply.

"You can stay for dinner, we're having duck" 

Hiei likes it when I make duck... 


	6. Chapter 6

Koenma squirmed uncomfortably in his chair, staining to hear the hushed voices in the other room, he couldn't. Sighing in exasperation, he malformed into the chair.

---------

"I lied to him! I said you only came over ever so often!"  
Hiei looked as if he could have killed her.  
"Did you tell him it was ME onna?"

Botan fidgeted.

"Well, not exactly no..."

"... You're ashamed of me in front of him. I'll go" 

"No! Wait!" Botan flung herself forward and grasped his fore arm.

She immediately released him, surprised at the sudden contact.  
That's when it dawned on her that Hiei and herself minimized contact...  
But by now they were surely too familiar with each other to be uncomfortable.

"Please, stay- I'm not sure I could bare it if... if"

Hiei smiled knowingly  
"If I don't come back after tonight..."  
She blushed, and fearing he would notice, she pivoted quickly.  
He advanced until his pelvis rested on her backside and his hands graced her thighs.  
"Onna" he whispered against her neck,  
His breath was warm... shivers went up her spine  
"If I wanted to, you couldn't stop me."

It felt like a knife in her chest. 

------

A few minutes after Hiei had left through her window- she returned to the living room.  
Only to see a very disgruntled under lord, She smiled, he had returned to his true form in her absence. 

"It smells too good Botan! I couldn't wait another moment if you asked me to! I haven't had duck in years wh- wait, where is your friend?"

"Oh, he... he isn't coming back."


	7. Chapter 7

A few weeks had passed since Koenma had stopped by for dinner.  
Hiei hadn't returned since then.

Botan was crushed.

"If I don't come back after tonight... If I want to, you can't stop me."

His intention rang in her ears. She was nothing to him... and after a year, he was everything to her. Granted, he rarely spoke, they seldom made physical contact, and on the odd occasion he would rest with her. But aside from that, they were still relatively strangers.

She lost her appetite thinking about him, and besides, she didn't feel like cooking tonight.

She stared at the silent screen. She had forgotten to turn the television on.

Jarring herself into reality she began looking for the remote, it had to be somewhere.

"Aha! Gotchya!" Botan exclaimed in victory... only to be faltered by a sudden, an unexpected crash in her bedroom. 

Sacrificing the remote to the floor she bounded to the bedroom.

She was startled to see him, well, she wasn't surprised by who it was she was more so shocked at his condition. Sprinting to his side she tried to ascertain the problem, he was beaten- and drunk.

The strong smell of alcohol had wafted to her senses.

"Hiei- what's happened to you?"

He smirked at her wickedly; his eyes were sloppily examining her attire. She was dismayed by his sudden arrival and bizarre behavior. 

Frightened by his appearance she attempted to move away from him and quickly began to establish a plan "Hiei let me get you some water- why dont you sit ddown, on the bbed."

"bo-Botan" he moaned lustfully as he proceeded to pin her to the floor and kiss her brusquely all the while attempting to grope her voluptuous breasts.


	8. Chapter 8

Squirming uncomfortably from underneath the intoxicated man Botan looked at her clock... and then back at Hiei, who was inconveniently attempting to untie her blouse. Reacting quickly she shoved him off of her and sprinted to her front room. Grabbing a knife from the counter, she spun around only to find herself nose to nose with an extremely agitated Hiei... the knife clattered to the floor.

"Woman. Mate me."

Astounded Botan began shaking, terrified of denying him, disgusted by the thought of consenting him... she said 

"What about the steps?" 

Hiei became enraged, pinning Botan's body with his own to the counter. 

"The days of permission, steps, courtship, and stages are outdated Botan, mate me now."

It was at this point she noticed his obvious arousal. 

"Hiei, I... won't"

He slammed his fist into the counter top, shattering the surface- shards of plaster and wood flew everywhere.

"Woman! Don't make me _take_ what _will_ be _mine_ tonight!"

Frozen in fear, but still determined, she stood her ground.

"I... won't without the steps."

"FINE!" He screamed in her face- he stormed into the other room, she straightened herself up, he returned with a practically empty bottle of booze... Botan recognized it as a brand from the Makai, it acted as an extremely powerful aphrodisiac... only an inexperienced drinker would consume more than a glass of it unintentionally. 

Step one- give potential mate a refreshing drink. 

He thrusted the bottle into her mouth before she could protest... and it wallowed in her mouth 

"Swallow onna"

And she obeyed. 


	9. Chapter 9

The alcohol in her mouth was warm, it sickened her.

Hiei smirked, he knew what was coming next.

Step two- potential mate must return the favor and prepare a meal for the seeker.

Botan turned towards the kitchen, she quickly grabbed some leftovers from the refrigerator- placed them in a pan on the stove and began to heat it up.

"Work quickly onna, my patience wears thin."

She quickly placed two bowls on the table, she turned back towards the stove only to be startled by hearing one shatter as it smashed into the wall.

"Are you _trying_ to offend the rite onna?"

She moved the heated soup from the stove to the table and quickly ladled some of the contents in the pan into the remaining intact bowl on her dinning room table. She grabbed a spoon and placed it on a napkin next to the soup.

"sit down." Hiei commanded. 

Normally the steps weren't completed in under a night, but Hiei seemed fairly determined. 

She sat down across from her seeker.

Step three- you must share the meal with potential mate by feeding them.

He picked up the spoon and brought it- almost gently- to Botan's mouth, she opened it an he fed her the contents... it was good soup.

He then retrieved another spoonful and bought it up to her again, his face was extremely close to her now, she warily opened her mouth, to find a spoon in it- shortly followed by Hiei's tongue, he remove the spoon and continued kissing her gently, his tongue flirting with hers. She was finding it harder to maintain her resolve.

Step four- prove you have affection for potential mate.

Step five- potential mate MUST respond with affection.

As he continued gently she found herself craving his touch, and she very shyly kissed him back.

Upon recognizing her response he quickly broke the kiss.

"You've gotten your steps onna, now mate me." 


	10. Chapter 10

"Hiei! Its not like these things can be rushed!" but by this time he was beyond all reason, the fire in his burgundy eyes was blazing, but they just seemed so empty... his eyes.

"o...onna" he moaned as she absentmindedly ran her fingers across his arm.  
startled, she abstracted them, only to have her hand caught by his.

"Please... onna... I crave your... sexual characteristics... I have for... some... time now" 

He looked like he was going through great labor to profess his feelings. 

"Please... don't deny me... this"

It was like he was going through absolute agony. 

"Hiei... I..."

His mouth collided with hers his passion overwhelmed her; she vainly tried to regain her composure only to find that he had begun tearing away at her clothes.

"Hiei! Stop! Please don't! Hiei! "

"They shield you from me! You're always so hidden, I want to see you, please... oona plez jus let me..h"

He collapsed onto her lap leaving her back against the kitchen counter.  
He had passed out... he was unconscious. 

She was relieved.

------

The next morning Hiei awoke in the onna's bed. He had never been at her house this early in the morning, and was quite startled to find her next to him- skimpily clad.

He wasn't appalled by her barely adequate clothing, but it was very strange to him for some reason.

This was when Hiei registered his sudden pressing need to vomit, and he hastily escaped to the rest room.


	11. Chapter 11

After relieving himself of his illness all he wanted was nice long and cold shower. He turned toward the onna's contraption, he vaguely remembered Shuichi teaching him have to operate one... he slowly turned the faucet on and smiled (clearly pleased with himself,) when water came rushing forth... and then he decided

"a warm shower might be nicer."

Botan stirred, she had all but completely forgotten the activities from the night before- and her little apparition was the last thing on her mind. She stretched and let out an apathetic yawn as she advanced toward her bathroom, she opened the door only to be decadently enveloped in steam she quickly stripped herself of clothing and stepped into her shower... only to find herself nose to nose with an extremely agitated Hiei, or the second time in under twenty four hours. 

"Onna?"

And then it dawned on her.

"HIEI?"

She leaped from the bath tub with surprising agility.  
"He...e WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?"  
she was unsuccessfully attempting to hide her nakedness with the newly fallen shower curtain.

"What's it look like?... I'm showering." 

And then it dawned on her.

He was completely naked, and extremely attractive... she had never been a real admirer for the male form, but Hiei intrigued her.

"Would you care to join me?"


	12. Chapter 12

"WHAT?" Botan was shocked at his vulgar suggestion; she was a woman of integrity and was not to be treated lightly. She continued,

"AND, WHAT IN THE THREE WORLDS WOULD MAKES YOU THINK THAT I WOULD?"

Hiei's face was almost docile as she shouted the inevitable rage ebbing off of her visage.

"The fact that we're affianced,"

ENGAGED?... well, the steps were completed. Botan wasn't devastated by the fact, but she was shaken. 

"Bbbbut not but not officially." She said, frantically trying to find an alternative- but secretly she desperately hoped there was none.

He abruptly interrupted her thoughts with

"The fact that the consummation has not been performed is a problem."

She began to become tense, so he continued...

"But... technically we're mates." 

She began to show signs of extreme discomfort and embarrassment, she bean to turn from him completely.

"Look at me woman!"

He was enraged that she had yet to look at him since her realization of his nakedness.

He wanted her to understand, that even if he wasn't sober when they legalized things, it was still exactly what it was to him.

"I am yours to have"

Botan gaped at his words.

You are mine, and I am yours. 

We belong. 


	13. NOTE!

REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW! I've worked so hard writing this; and I would love some feedback, even positive/negative conformation would be wonderful. 

Is it too word-y ? Too short? Awkward? Complicated? Tell me tell me tell me!

ALSO! I would like to make an apology because of my cruddy keyboard.

Often times certain letters just wont work and I have to press them a million times to get the letter punched out, and because I'm human I often overlook the occasional missing letter.

The main keys that like to disappear allot are:

D, G, F, X, C, L, J... and the ( , ) ... yup. So if they're missing- its probably not my fault [

Stupi keys that enjoy ceasing function... ANGST!

But yes, I hope you enjoy the story- its meant to be short, but its somewhat difficult to follow sometimes because of that so if you have any questions don't be afraid to message me. 


	14. Chapter 13

It had been a few days since the shower incident, and Hiei had resumed a seeming permanent residence in her bedroom, and seeing as when she demanded he sleep on the couch, he blatantly refused, (she had assumed he would oblige her but instead,) she had been couch-ridden for nearly a week now and Hiei didn't seem likely to give up her mattress without a fight.

She was cold, uncomfortable, and stubborn. Extremely stubborn. 

Botan sat up on the couch and stared longingly at her bedroom door. 

She not only wanted her bed, but also the man inside it...

But she couldn't help it, he was his best friend... it felt like such a sin.

Hiei stared longingly at the door that lead to the onna. She was suffering, but so was Hiei. She was Kurama's woman... and although Kurama had never lain a hand on her, it still felt like a sin to mate with her, it felt like betrayal. But Hiei craved her touch, they were basically mated, she finished the rite, now the only thing left was consummation. But she deplored him, she couldn't get Kurama off of her mind...

"He's not coming back onna. I am here for you now, you belong to, and are solely mine."

"I know,"

She climbed into the bed, mattress creaking, sheets moving, arms brushing, barely touching.

He kissed her softly on the forehead and said please be ready soon.

They both drifted off into a restless nights sleep. 


	15. Chapter 14

Her breath quickened as he kissed that spot again... she hadn't expected it to feel this... good.

Or this guilty.

He moaned as she gently ran her hands over his back and sides... she would never explore him as fully as he did her... every night he took it a step farther... it was agonizing. 

To go this_ slow_.

Hiei was never one to slow down, it was always "Never quit. Keep moving. Go faster. Hit harder." ... but now all that was concerning him was "love better. Be a better mate. Help her to forget the man they loved."

His belt was dying to loosen, his pants were far to tight to remain comfortable in his current condition. He wanted her. She knew.

She flipped him off of her, so his back was to the wall, and his knees were hanging over the bed.  
The quivering sound of the zipper sliding made her teeth hurt, and her ears ring... it was like nails on a chalk board. His belts were loosed, his pants slid off silently to the floor... and everything he was sat before her.

Hiei smirked as she dropped to her knees.  
But the night wasn't far from being finished.  
As soon as his need was fulfilled, they would both be dreaming dreams of something happier.


	16. Chapter 15

He smiled at his newly consummated mate... it had taken nearly a year since the rite, but now officially they were one. The rite was finally completed three days prior, and they had continued every night since then. He loved feeling her inside of him; she was a part of his very core. Botan had accepted the fact that they were mated but she was still terrified of throwing the love label on anything at all. She knew that they had been this way for practically a year but she still couldn't get over the fact that she was mated to her dead lover's best friend, it just felt like such a betrayal. But she was happy.

Hiei leaned over and embraced his beautiful koi. "Onna, its morning."  
And then he smelled it. Joy overwhelmed him and pride seemed to seep through his very soul. He nuzzled her neck and kissed it gently, he then proceeded to lick and suck on the small mark he had bestowed upon her- she moaned as Hiei's contact on the symbolic mark sent waves of pleasure through her whole form.

She was pregnant.  
He wondered if she knew.  
How was he going to tell her?

Avarice overcame him for her touch, he lowered himself to her breast, and began pulling on it with his mouth lightly, careful not to rob his komodo of any food. She was becoming aroused, and began responding.

It was then that they were rudely interrupted by the loud clanging that came from the small door buzzer.

Koenma had yet to discover Hiei, even though his visits were semi-regular. Today was one of those days, Koenma waltzed in through the door, but this time he paused, he smelled something... and although Botan was an excellent cook, this was different, it almost smelled like a claim, but stronger. .. whatever it was, it wasn't food.

Botan exited her bedroom, clad in a pale yellow bath robe she situated herself on the armchair across from Koenma, and proceeded to offer him some refreshment, to which he politely declined.

"Botan, it's been four years... since... well you know."

"Since Shuichi died?"

Startled by her frankness, he replied

"well...yes that and since you moved in here, your recovery from grieving has been so slow I'm wondering if it would be better to move you back to the Rekai and slowly reintroduce you to work and socializing, I'm thinking that isolating you was a mistake, and besides everybody misses you."

The smell was getting to Koenma's head.

"Bbbotan... are you... involved with someone,"

Startled by his question she wasn't sure if it would be best to tell the truth or to lie, she mistakenly chose the latter.

"No."

Hiei, who was listening intently from the other room became filled with rage when he smelled arousal coming from the under lord. She WAS involved with someone, and he wasn't about to let Koenma change that. But his curiosity of how Botan would react was almost getting the better of him, would she betray him.. was she faithful? 

Koenma advanced toward Botan slowly  
"I'm glad to hear it... Botan, I've always been rather... fond of you"

"Koenma Sir."

"Now, I know what you're thinking, but don't let the fact that I'm your boss control your feelings. Over the past four years, I feel like I've come to know you... intimately, and I would love to deepen the relationship."

"Koenma... sir..."  
"I know my confession must surprise you.."

"Sir!... I... haven't been completely honest with you... I... I... am involved."  
"Oh! How rude of me, I shouldn't have assumed that you would... reveal such private information with me... I'm sorry- my confession must have seemed brash, it wasn't my intention to startle or offend you... I'm sorry... maybe I should go"

"Koenma sir!"

"If it wouldn't be so rude of me to ask Botan... I was just wondering... who is he?"

"...Shuichi... Koenma sir."

Hiei was in the room so fast that Koenma wasn't sure which way he'd come from, but that wasn't what concerned him, what concerned him was that Hiei was currently pinning Botan to the floor, and he looked ready to kill.


	17. Chapter 16

Ire coerced through Hiei's being. How_ dare_ she. After everything he sacrificed for her, she would rather be mated with a dead man.

He gave up two years of his life.  
He devoted himself to her, he cleaned- she cooked  
They existed, they mated. He was emotionally involved with her.  
and she wouldn't even let _Koenma_ know... the filth...

"Onna. You belong to me. You are MINE."

Koenma stared at Hiei for a good and long time, assessing the situation.

"Botan, is Hiei your mate?"

She turned her tear streaked face away from them both, and towards a wall, something inanimate- it couldn't hate her for what she had done.

"Hai. He is."

Hiei got up off of her, and roughly escorted Koenma out the door.

"BOTAN!"

She ran through the hallway and into her bedroom so quickly that it almost rivaled Hiei in speed.

Almost.

Hiei pinned her up against the wall.

"ONNA! WHY! WHY WOULD YOU TELL HIM THIS!"

"Hiei you can't possibly understand!"

"KURAMA IS DEAD! WE'VE BEEN OVER THIS A THOUSAND TIMES! WHY CANT YOU ACCEPT IT!?"

"You can't possibly understand!"

"WHY CANT YOU ACCEPT IT!? WHY? WHY!? Why!? Why can't you accept this? Why can't you accept me? What is so wrong about this? About us? Botan! Why can't we just forget him... I don't love him anymore... I ... I have something more important now."

"Sure, oh okay- the mighty lord _Hiei_ has something more important now, so we all have to huh."

"Onna... we're pregnant"

She froze. The argument fading fast from her mind.  
what?

"Komodo" Hiei smiled whilst nuzzling her belly.

"komodo" he whispered.

What?

Botan was overcome with joy, and hate... she was so incredibly torn.  
She loved two men... one she truly desired... but would never have.

One she has... but could never truly desire.

How could this have happened.

They only had sex three times... it wasn't even heated or passionate sex... it was just sex.  
Hiei, was incredibly well endowed, but there was still no passion, no real want.

And now she was mothering his child.

Koi. Komodo. Kurama. Koenma... Kiss, brush, blush... brash, bed... best.

Hiei was so tender with her that night, she didn't really orgasm... but it wasn't just sex...

She wasn't entirely sure what it was.


	18. Chapter 17

"I never thought of you much really, you're contact with me was minimal. When you were present I acknowledged you when it was to my advantage, but to be honest- you were nothing but a statistic."

"and after Kurama died?"

"...Kurama and I were never officially involved intimately; he was always extremely fond of you. Yoko was. He always spoke kindly of you. He was enamored with you. I felt like he was always distracted by you, and I even became envious... I did not love him. But..."

"But when he died... it stung."

"Hai"

"After the entombment ceremony that we shared with his ningen mother... I bean to think about what he had accomplished in life, how far Yoko had gone to survive... and how futile it had been..."

"Hiei..."

"But then I thought of Shuichi... and all that he had accomplished... how close he had become with you... you were always around us, me and him... always smiling. I began thinking about what you were feeling.. I became happy; knowing you were suffering... it was... ha... it was relieving."

"What was relieving?"

"Knowing that I wasn't alone. I... I began doing something shameful..."

"... like what..?"

"I began watching you... stalking you... I observed every little thing you did. You felt as I felt; only you were free to express it, and you were given an immense amount of freedom because of it."

"I felt like it was only me and you. You made everything disappear... and when you're next to me, my stomach drops, my heart rate increases, and I get this strange solidity in my chest, to where I feel like I can't breath, even though my respiratory rate is normal... even superior to normal."

"...you feel?"

"How about you?"

"Excuse me?"

"what do you think of me?"

"...I..."

She paused.

"I dont."


	19. Chapter 18

"what do you think of me?"

"...I..."

She paused.

"I don't... I can't... it hurts too badly. I feel as if Kurama is constantly watching me, judging me! We'd never even kissed! How can I feel guilty for betraying someone I never even kissed!?.. I'm sorry Hiei... I... I do.. but...I've only loved... you... and not even until recently have I come to accept that."  
She took an exasperated breath.  
"and he never knew that! But he told me that he wwas iinn llove wiwith mmee... anannd I said that we ccould never be more then friends!... bbut... everybody else thought... everybody knew... tthat we... that we were an item. But I was so oblivious! I wwas so apathetic! So blind! I thought I would always be doomed to be the platonic friend, and there I go throwing away perfectly good marriage proposals! I wasn't even thinking Hiei! I told him that I could never be enough for him... and I can't help but think that this is... that it's my entire fault he is dead."

Hiei appeared to be putting much contemplation into what she had said.

"you were never in love with him."


	20. Chapter 19

Hiei pumped into her faster  
she moaned  
he grunted

He loved this part more then she could ever, would ever know.

A part of him wanted to reward her for the things her body made him feel, but another part wanted to keep it completely secret... like a special secret that only he would know... how much he enjoyed her.

She gasped and gripped his shoulders tightly; she came for the eighth time- she was in complete ecstasy. Sweat sticking to her face, she wiped her forearm across her brow.

It had never been like this before, nor had it felt like this before.

"Hiei!..." She cried out as he abruptly started up again after only giving her a moments rest.

"Oh!... Hiei"

An instantly he was roused again... Hiei had yet to cum... which was greatly disappointing him seeing as his mate was becoming rather worn down.. it ha been nearly a half hour- an he felt like they were just starting. He had only done so once with her before (when his komodo was conceived... and that was extremely difficult for him to reach so early- and he was quite sure she hadn't enjoyed it. But she was certainly enjoying it now.) and he desperately wanted that feeling again... of cumming inside his mate.

"hold... uh... on... uhlittle... uh... longer"

But he knew that was a lie.

She was content... and he was happy.  
They weren't alone...  
they weren't alone at all.

Fin.


	21. NOTE! all my love & thanks for reading

I KNOW! IT ENDED SO FAST! WHAT HAPPENED!?

ONLY 3 PEOPLE REVIEWED! I GOT LIKE ZIPPO FEEDBACK AND I HATE THAT!! I FELT LIKE IT ROCKED ONE SECOND AND SUCKED THE NEXT! REVIEW PEOPLE AND YOU'LL GET LONGER ENDINGS! GOSH DARN IT!

Anyways.. I like my short chapters... and my short endings... it's the way I wrote it an even if it would be better otherwise I'm happy with it... and I hope it wasn't too much of a hassle to read.

I loved writing this and I really hope you loved it as just much as I did!

Chao!


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